6 Things to Leave Behind in the New Year

1. Bitterness

Truthfully, I carry bitterness like my cell phone. I cling to it as a weapon of manipulation and control. But isn’t that the ironic part, that the weapon controls me? And it never leads to anything life-giving, for the person I hold resentment towards or me. When I read Job 21:25, I see myself: “Another dies in bitterness of soul, never having enjoyed anything good" (NLT).

Although I wish I could leave bitterness in the past once and for all, I recognize my personal struggle and understand my need to constantly lean into the grace and mercy Jesus has granted, so I can extend it to those I’m bitter towards.

Perhaps that’s why we aren’t made perfect on this side of heaven: obviously, we live in a fallen world that makes this idea impossible, but without a constant need for Jesus, would we seek Him? Would we want Him? Who would we look to for renewal each new year?

2. Fear

For the longest time, I thought I was fearless. I’m the only one in my family to move over a thousand miles from home, dangle my feet off the edge of Horseshoe Bend, or travel to the other side of the world without thinking twice.

But after I had my first son, I discovered I am quite the slave to fear. It overtakes my thoughts and actions without asking my permission. The girl who once shrugged at the side effects of risk now kept herself locked in her house, afraid that anything from car wrecks to germs would hurt her baby.

Once he was older and his immune system had proven itself, the fear didn’t go away; it just took on a different form. It became a fear of how I might damage him by saying or doing the wrong thing when I was frustrated, overwhelmed, or unsure.

Fear will always morph to fit what makes sense in our current life season. It’s devilishly sneaky that way. Consider the Garden of Eden and the fear tactic Satan used. He convinced Eve to fear missing out, to fear that God wasn’t quite the friend she thought He was.

But though fear is destructive, the antidote is readily available. 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (NIV). When we accept that Christ’s love safeguards our lives, and the lives of those we love, we can trust that come what may, Goodness will prevail, His healing an unavoidable byproduct of His compassionate nature.

No matter the fear that already seems to await you in the new year, lay it to rest at Jesus’ feet.

3. Selfishness

Like bitterness, I must die daily to my selfish desires, but I must also be willing to recognize those selfish desires to delete them from my life. In my day-to-day routine, selfishness looks like:

-Griping when my toddler gets up earlier than I wanted

-Huffing when my husband is ten minutes late getting home

-Mumbling choice words when the slowpoke in front of me stops at a yellow light

-Being passive-aggressive when I feel unheard

And the list goes on.

Take the next day or two to truly note how you respond when things don’t go your way. Identify what most easily produces anger and frustration in your heart. Once you recognize where your selfishness runs most deeply, you can create healthier habits of reciting Scripture, whispering simple prayers, and taking a few moments to pause and regroup to focus on leaving certain selfish tendencies in the past.

(Will they creep back up in the new year? Of course! But now you know what to watch for.)

4. Assumptions

My hasty, emotion-led assumptions have caused 90% of my marital arguments. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m the instigator of irrational, heated conversations most often linked to storylines I’ve crafted in my head. (And rarely do these self-made assumptions play out where I’m at fault…)

How often do we accept our assumptions as truth because we would rather have the upper hand in an argument or avoid an uncomfortable conversation altogether? Friends, so many things in life would be easier if, rather than guessing how another person is thinking or feeling, we took the time to ask for the truth.

Yes, the truth is often scary and uncomfortable, but it’s the only thing that frees us from lies that too easily produce chaos and brokenness. As another year approaches, I challenge you to lay aside your assumptions, even when you believe you have the Bible verses to back “your side.”

Commit to letting the truth guide all thoughts, words, and actions. Life is too precious to be controlled by willful ignorance. As Hosea 4:6 warns: "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge" (KJV).

5. Toxicity

I’m a borderline crunchy mama, the gal who makes her son take detox baths, who won’t let him eat Chick-fil-A nuggets (I know, I know), who rebukes Red-40 in the name of Jesus, who will not-so-politely grin at you while I’m unplugging your Bath & Body Works air freshener, etc.—I’m all about eliminating those toxins. But I’m much slower to eliminate my toxic habits and to set boundaries with others who are toxic.

Labeling someone as “toxic” is such a cultural trend right now that it only makes sense that we never consider our toxicity. It’s much cooler and socially acceptable to go on tangents about our toxic ex or in-laws. But in what ways do we contribute to the disconnect or tension? In what ways can we minimize drama and arguments by keeping a check on our hearts?

Likewise, we must recognize when other people’s behaviors are consistently abusive and never add life, joy, peace, and hope to ours.

Healthy relationships are a constant give and take from two separate, sinful parties, but when grace and patience are at the center, relationships can thrive even when things aren’t easy. Next year, consider leaving behind the toxic behaviors you bring to your relationships, and clean house concerning those who consistently tear down your family’s mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

6. Unrealistic Expectations

Surrender the faulty notion that you will perfectly let go of all of these things next year. You are both saved and sinful, and this dichotomy won’t end until Christ makes all things new in the next life.

I’ve discovered that it’s powerful to speak this truth aloud, and I most often do so when having conversations with my two-year-old boy. I tell him, “I love you, but Jesus loves you best.” I want my son to know that I love him more than life. Taking a bullet, a beating, or a bomb for him wouldn’t require a second thought. Even still, I am not perfect. I don’t want him looking to Mama as his example of perfect love.

Rather, I want him to remember that when people, even those closest to him, fail him, Christ won’t. His love doesn’t waver. It’s not tainted by failed resolutions, goals, and ideas. Christ’s love will always be victorious over sin, Satan, hell, destruction, and brokenness.

He can rest in that. Not in me and my weak attempts to mirror this beautiful Love.

As the new year approaches, accept that so long as you live in this skin-and-bones body, you will mess up and miss the mark, sometimes terribly. But grace is already present in those moments, in love with restoring your heart and soul, so God gains the glory.

A Happy New Year

As you reflect on these six things to release in the new year, I pray you rest in the peace of knowing we are renewed each day by a God who loves us fiercely.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

Related:

7 Resolutions Every Single Christian Should Make This New Year

5 Journal Prompts for Reflecting on This Past Year

How to Reflect on God’s Faithfulness as You Enter a New Year