A Christian’s Guide to Speaking with Love Online (Don't Do These 6 Things)

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1. Don’t quarrel online.

Unbelievers like to point out how believers seem to be constantly arguing, fighting, and disputing issues between themselves. To the world around us, it doesn’t come across as being very loving and seems to only serve as a very poor witness to those who don’t know Christ.

1 Corinthians 1:11, “My brothers and sisters, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you”

It’s too easy for our opinions expressed online, whether stating a belief, thought, or response to someone else’s post, that our words are misunderstood. It happens all the time when a person’s words, meant to be thoughtful, are challenged or belittled, leading to an online war of words.

2 Timothy 2:14 urges us to “Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.”

Romans 16:17-18 warns “I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.”

If we read something or see a post that rubs us the wrong way, Proverb 10:19 encourages “When there are many words, wrongdoing is unavoidable, But one who restrains his lips is wise�� (NASB).

Paul reminds us, too, in Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

As Christians, we are given the ministry of reconciliation, so whenever we seek to cause division rather than reconcile with people, we are out of the will of God. 2 Corinthians 5:18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”

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2. Don’t expose others’ sins online.

When we hear of individuals entrapped in sin, we don’t want to expose their sin publicly, offering them up to public ridicule. Or spread it around online by pointing it out, or even asking publicly for prayer, unless the person asks first publicly for prayers concerning their situation. 

As Galatians 6:1 urges, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

It’s wise to consider how we would want others to respond to us, or to our family, friends, and neighbors, if caught in sin. After all, haven’t we all sinned, as 1 John 1:10 explains “If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word is not in us.”

As Romans 3:23 reminds us, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Likewise, if someone sends us a private message that’s unkind or upsets us, God doesn’t want us to post openly what they said to us privately, revealing their sin to others. It’s spiritual immaturity to do so and often done to bring shame upon one another.

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3. Don’t gossip and spread rumors online.

With the immediacy of online postings, it seems people can’t wait to share the latest news, whether good or bad, and individuals can wait to read the latest scoop.

But James 3:5-6 warns of the danger of an unbridled tongue, “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell”

So small, yet so powerful, as James 3:8 describes, “But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

In our world today, people are much more concerned about what they eat and put into their mouths, than what comes out of it, which sadly has created hostile and unfriendly online cultures, even in some Christian circles, where love is to be demonstrated.

Jesus cut right to the truth in exposing this sin of the mouth: “What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them” (Matthew 15:11).

Gossip and rumors are void of love and only bring heartache, as Proverbs 16:28 describes, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”

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4. Don’t slander individuals online.

If we have a beef with someone, addressing it online is not where we should take our grievances. Even if we believe what we are saying is true, it’s wise to choose to love others over our own feelings. 

James 4:11 warns, “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.”

Over-and-over again, God’s word warns us, as Paul does in Ephesians 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Again, because slander is a very serious sin even though many Christians nowadays don’t seem to believe it is, Colossians 3:8 warns, “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”

When wanting to slander someone, we can instead follow Hebrews 4:12, to let God’s words judge the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts. “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Photo credi: @Pexels/Fernando Arco

5. Don’t openly correct others online.  

Sometimes the Holy Spirit nudges us to reach out and address someone about a post on social media. Rather than offer our unsolicited corrections publicly, we can contact them privately through a gentle, loving approach. 

If our intention is truly to help them, then we don’t want to seem like we’re challenging or criticizing them in any way, or set off a war of words and posts where friends take sides and feel like they have to defend them.

Although I haven’t found this approach to be all that effective, following God’s leading is still to be taken seriously and to follow, even if we don’t see the results hoped for. It’s also better than starting a huge online war of words.

One Christian friend approached, posted photos and captions making fun and belittling people’s in the news appearances. Reaching out privately from one believer to another, mentioning his posts and how, as a Christian, it might seem unloving. Sadly, he didn’t really respond and also didn’t change his postings.

Hebrews 10:24 encourages “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

A few other times, I’ve privately reached out to Christian friends and family who’ve posted provocative photos, asking if they might consider removing them. As well, they didn’t respond either privately or by removing the images.

Although it’s uncomfortable to reach out to others, it’s important for us personally, to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and trust Him to work in the lives of those we reach out to.

It’s also biblical to do, as the Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 3:16, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”

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6. Don’t bully others online.

Sadly, too many believers will post about how someone has offended them, looking, it seems, to gather support for themselves, asking people to join them to berate and put the offender in their place. 

But ganging up on those who have hurt us goes against what Paul urges us to do in Galatians 5:14 to, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”                        

As well, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums it up: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Related Resource: Is Empathy a Sin? A Clarifying Debate

Empathy is often seen as a virtue, but is there a point where it becomes dangerous? Today, I have fellow Biola professor Dr. Tim Muehlhoff, a communications expert, to explore whether modern Christians are becoming so empathetic that they begin to compromise biblical truth. Are Christians afraid to speak truth for fear of offending others? And how can we balance compassion with conviction? We hope this conversation helps you if you've ever wondered how to love well without losing your grounding. Our goal in this conversation is to work through the debate today so you can have clarity on what is at stake. Listen to this episode of The Sean McDowell Show, and be sure to follow on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.

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